Excuse Me, I Was Speaking: How to Handle Being Talked Over Without Losing Your Cool (or Your Mind)

By Chere Estrin

Not too much shakes me up anymore. OK, someone constantly talking over me is extremely annoying. Why? I feel like I am being run over by a steamroller of ego, wrapped in entitlement, and dusted with a light coating of “I know better than you.” And I lose control—of meetings, interviews, or whatnot. I had a colleague who constantly did that until I realized that, lo and behold, she had a hearing problem. Well, that answered that. But when the person doesn’t have an excuse? That’s when it gets interesting.

You Know the Type

You’re in a meeting. You’ve finally worked up the nerve to share a brilliant idea or maybe just suggest where to order lunch. As soon as you open your mouth, someone else opens theirs. And keeps going. And going. You’re left blinking like you’ve just walked into oncoming traffic.

Suddenly, you’re not in a meeting anymore. You’re in a one-person improv show, and you’re the unpaid audience.

The worst part? It makes you feel small. Powerless. Like your voice somehow got misfiled in the back of the junk drawer while someone else’s megaphone got a front-row seat.

Here’s the good news: There are strategies. There are tools. There is justice. And, if you play it right, there might even be satisfaction. The goal is not to out-bluster the blusterers—it’s to assert yourself with precision, poise, and just enough sass to make it memorable.

Let’s get into it.

First Rule: Don’t Yell

Tempting, I know. But yelling is the conversational equivalent of trying to solve a legal dispute with finger puppets, chaotic and rarely effective. When someone starts bulldozing your words, your instinct might be to raise your voice. Don’t. Stay calm. Stay centered. The moment you raise your voice, you look rattled. And rattled people don’t lead meetings or get promotions.

Use Their Name: It’s Verbal Kryptonite

Let’s say your interrupter’s name is Rocky (and let’s be honest, it probably is).

Try this:
“Rocky, you’re talking over me.”
Boom. Clean. Clear. No need for dramatics. Just the facts, delivered like a seasoned litigator sliding an exhibit across the table.

Names have power. They pull people out of autopilot. Use them. Repeatedly, if necessary.
“Rocky. Rocky. ROCKY.”
Eventually, even Rocky gets the hint.

Start Talking Early (No, Really)

Here’s a trick from journalist Rose Eveleth: Don’t wait for a pause: there won’t be one. Chronic interrupters don’t pause. They breathe through their ears and keep talking. Instead, jump in just before they finish their thought. It’s like merging onto the freeway – you wait for a gap, you’ll be stuck forever.

Interruptions aren’t always rude. Sometimes they’re tactical. Use yours wisely.

Laugh Like You Know Something They Don’t

Now, this one’s for the bold.

When someone steamrolls your point, try this: laugh. Not a polite chuckle. A full-throated, “Are you serious right now?” laugh. It’ll disarm them. Why? Because people who talk over others are rarely interrupted by joy. They’ll stop, confused, and wonder what’s funny. Use that moment to grab the mic.

Caution: This works best when you’re already known as confident, not when you’re still trying to prove you belong in the room. Timing is everything.

Question the Interruption

Try the sneak attack:
“Rocky, can I ask you something?”
He’ll pause because hey, who doesn’t love the sound of their own name before another opportunity to monologue?

Then? You slide right back into your point. No explanation. Just keep going. Like you never left.

Raise Your Hand (Yes, Seriously)

This works better than you’d think. In a big meeting, a raised hand is a subtle power move. It says, “I have something to say and I’m willing to wait for it.” It also puts pressure on the talker to acknowledge you without you having to shout, “Yield the floor!” like you’re in a courtroom drama.

And yes, people do respond to it, even executives. Maybe it’s a throwback to kindergarten. Maybe it’s just the sheer oddity of it. Either way, it works.

Watch Your Body Language

Posture isn’t just about ergonomics. It’s about presence.

Stop nodding. Stop mm-hmm-ing. Stop playing the role of the ever-patient listener. Instead:

• Lean forward.
• Make eye contact.
• Raise your finger slightly (not that one……unless it’s after hours).
• Look like someone who is about to say something worth listening to.

Assertiveness isn’t always verbal. Sometimes, it starts on your shoulders.

Prepare a Go-To Phrase

Have a line ready. Something sharp but not sharp-edged.

Try:

• “Would you mind if I finish?” (Can be a tad, well, snotty.)
• “I’d like to complete my thought before we move on.”
• “Interesting point. I’d love to respond.”

What not to say?

• “You’re not listening to me.”
• “You always do this.”

Those are accusations, and they’ll just spark defensiveness. You’re not trying to win a courtroom battle. You’re trying to guide the narrative.

Do Any of These Tactics Sound Familiar?

You spot the over-talker from across the room and suddenly remember a Very Important Errand (spoiler: it’s to the break room). You pretend to get a text. From your dry cleaner. On a Sunday. You glance at your watch like it’s a ticking bomb about to go off. You drag some poor bystander into the conversation just so you can step back slowly like you’re diffusing a hostage situation. Or, you go full witness protection and just avoid the person altogether.

Let’s be real: ducking and dodging might get you out of the moment, but they don’t address the deeper issue: your voice. Your self-care. Your right to take up space in a conversation. And guess what? That discomfort will still be waiting for you when you “finish” whatever imaginary spreadsheet you just faked to escape.

I recently ran across the following post in a thread on dealing with over-talking, and though the author was serious about the efficacy of these suggested tactics, they strike me as falling under the heading of what not to do:

“Look as disengaged as possible. Shift weight from one foot to the other. Put your hands on your hips. Look at your phone. Look around the room. Don’t make eye contact.”

Why not just speak up rather than pray that the Earth will suddenly open up and swallow this person whole?

It turns out that over-talkers aren’t generally offended, or even surprised, if you interrupt them, or even outright ask to be included more in the conversation. They’ve undoubtedly been told before that they talk a lot, or too much, and some of them may even appreciate the interruption, as it gives them an opportunity to share conversation rather than dominate it, to learn something new rather than recite well-worn stories, and perhaps even realize that the means they’re using to try and connect with others may be having the opposite effect.

One of the unfortunate ironies of being an over-talker is that you seldom attain the thing you’re really after – connection – because most people take to their heels, tune you out, or develop covert signaling systems to indicate to others across a room: save me. And should you find yourself in a situation in which an over-talker suddenly comes around and realizes what they’re doing (“Am I talking too much?”), don’t deny this truth out of politeness. Give it a moment to sink in that this is precisely what they’re doing.

Final Thoughts: Speak Up, Stand Tall, Say It Again

People who talk over others often win by sheer persistence. They interrupt. You pause. They pounce. The cycle continues.

Break it.

Speak. Don’t wait. Don’t escalate. Just assert.

The point isn’t to silence anyone. It’s to be heard. Loud and clear. With a smile that says, “I’m not here to fight. I’m just not disappearing today.”

So the next time someone talks over you? Say their name. Hold your ground. Stay cool.

And if all else fails?

Laugh like you’re in on the punchline.

Because you are.

Chere Estrin is the CEO of Estrin Legal Staffing, Editor-in-Chief of The Estrin Report, and an expert in legal career strategy. She is known for saying what most recruiters won’t. She has a new book, Power Plays for Legal Professionals: Strategies to Move Your Career Forward coming out Fall 2025. Reach her at: Chere@EstrinLegalStaffing.com.